well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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