I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
