I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
