I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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