The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
