sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
