thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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