i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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