He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
