Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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