Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
