it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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