what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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