I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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