I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
