I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
