Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
