ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
