And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
