who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
