it was like his penis was on wheels.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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