You work out of a Hotel?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
