i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The Olympian is in my bed
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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