i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
