Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
