you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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