My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
