This is not my ceiling
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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