The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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