My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
