I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
