Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize