she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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