yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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