We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
