I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
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I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
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Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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