You don't have asthma, your pregnant
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
