Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize