tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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