Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
