Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize