She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
