Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
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I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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