i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We left the knife in your bed.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
