How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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