im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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