they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
