I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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