Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
