I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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