If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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