I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
