Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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