quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
