OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
