I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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