Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
