I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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