I feel like I'm in dance class right now
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
