I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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