I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
