Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
