you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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