I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
