who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
