mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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