Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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