:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
