I haven't been this sober since birth.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Congratulations! We have a period
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
