winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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