and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
