dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
