So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
